Wednesday, April 9, 2014

How To Manage The Fighting In A Relationship In Controlled Limits

By Barbara Firer


If you are in a relationship, there are always brighter and dark sides of it. It is needless to say that there will be arguments and one has to manage those arguments skillfully so that it does not create any damage to your relationships. People often consider arguments to be counter productive and to create negative environments. However arguments are pretty normal in any kind of relationship. If it is done in the right way it opens up solutions to problems and build new strength of the relationship.

In this context we would light to highlight the fact that argument can be a double edged sword and one should know how to argue and in which context argument is healthy.

* Some people take fighting very seriously and may be so concerned about winning that they lose sight of what they actually disagree about!

* Some really get their teeth into an argument, loading on more and more ammunition until they either achieve a knock-out or their partner surrenders!

* Some couples find that they end up arguing about the same issues over and again because they have failed to come to any resolution during previous 'rounds'.So maybe now you can see why there are actually recommended 'rules' to fighting! So here in this article we are going to talk with you about how to hone up your marital communication skills and fight fair with your spouse!

* Sometimes the arguments are repetitive and couples keep doing it when they are clueless about what to do.

1. Understand what the problem is!

Make sure you are discussing the cause of the issue and not a symptom of it.

Be sure you are usually talking about the reason for the situation rather than a symptom of computer.

Keep the content of your arguments relevant. Don't let the conversation drift into different areas of disagreement or old 'bug-bears' - resolving one conflict is hard enough - why tackle even more!

Before getting in to the argument make sure you understand what is the issue.

Don't launch a character assassination at your poor spouse - discuss the issue don't pull them apart and attack them. Avoid getting personal or being too general eg. telling them what they 'always' do or 'never' do. None of these approaches are in any way constructive.

4. Mutual Respect

3. Don't get personal!

Never get personal with your loved ones negative points and make it look worse.

In an ideal world it would be nice to say that every argument can result in a win/win scenario but that isn't always the case in the real world, so;

In a ideal earth it could be good to convey that all argument may result in a win/win predicament however that's not often the case inside real life, thus;

* If you lose, don't sulk.

* If you both lose that means the issue may not be resolved satisfactorily.

* If both of you shed this means the situation is probably not reconciled satisfactorily.If you both acquire, really feel proud of yourselves to get a profitable discord decision

6. Time out!

7. Listen

7. Listen

This is a hard one! Don't assume you are right! It is important to listen to your spouse's perspective and to try to see the problem their eyes. Be willing to compromise - coming half way is something all couples need to learn.

If you want to pick up more hints and tips on arguing check out our free communications video course as well as some useful, hand-picked resources specifically on fighting fair.




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